Trustworthy Leader

“Be trustworthy as an ordinary matter of course.” -Master Sun

Ah, the difficulties of trust.  We all have trust issues, to some degree.  Believing in others over and over takes a lot to do and sustain…especially after they have proven themselves untrustworthy more than one time.’

I am certain that we all have had a “flip flopper” as a leader of a group that we were a part of.  Had that boss that just could not stick to their word.  Worked with a peer or co-worker that seemed to tell lies better than they told the truth.

The best way, without a doubt, to get your people to follow you is to be honest every step of the way, no matter what.  The quickest way to lose followers or supporters is to create an air of doubt.  Being a leader is hard.  It is one of the most difficult things in life that you will ever do, if you chose to fill those shoes.

There will always be tough decisions to be made but they must be made and delivered with honesty.  If the “baby is ugly”, then it’s ugly.  No need to focus on how it looks, you must focus on calling and relaying it as you see it.  If the situation looks unfavorable, then say it.  Looking a bit dismal, say that then.

No one should be wondering if their leader, friend, peer, co-worker is telling them the truth.  Build an environment that does not welcome doubt in what a person is saying…tell the truth in all situations and you will forever have the right people’s support. 


I Know They Don’t Care

“I don’t believe him when he says he cares.  The last supervisor, I feel, cared too much until he started pointing his blame finger at me and then the respect was lost.  Why should I listen?”

This is a difficult one to answer, in any case I’m asked, because trust is not easily given by some. 

During a mentoring session, a member of the team pulled me to the side and asked “how do you keep going if you have no respect for your leaders?”  I said, “honestly, I don’t know, there’s no answer I can give you because that’s a personal question.  My answer is, you just keep going.”

When you choose to not actually voice your concerns, and you are not willing to leave, then what else do you do but keep going?! 

By not voicing your concerns, you are seemingly okay with how you are being treated.  I’m not saying you should shout from the mountain top…in the beginning.  That mountain top screaming should come when you are nearing your exit time.

The reason this is a hard question to give anyone advice on is because, for one, the stage of life they are in may be different from yours.  I’ve been in my current profession for 17 years, and I’ve been a mindset coach for 2 years.  It’s hard to tell someone what they should do, when you’ve seen and experienced everything they are currently experiencing, for this one simple fact…you know it will all work out.

Just because you think they don’t care doesn’t mean they don’t care.  And just because you think that someone cares doesn’t mean that they do. 

The second reason this is a hard question to answer is this, emotional actions are always based in perception, until you ask the question.  Even after that, you have to take a person’s word for it because who lies about how they are feeling? 

Remember, it’s not your actual job in life to verify the other person’s authenticity.  Until they give you a reason to not trust them, then you should believe what they are saying.

So, to sum this up, there are many types of supervisors out there and they all have their own mindsets and values.  You are not going to mix with everyone you come in contact with but don’t allow their actions, or your perception of them, effect yours.


Anxiety’s Battlefield

The Crossroad

Here we are, standing in front of something that we want but we can’t take the first step.  What is it that’s holding you back?  Is it fear?  Self-doubt?  Yes, and no, it’s official name is anxiety.

You’ve come face to face with your desire of achieving more and the worry, nervousness, unease you are experiencing is “paralyzing” you.  You think of the ways you could make it happen and the reasons why you should make it happen, but after that has happened, you’re left with one thing…action. 

You are aware of the world, kind of aware of how it operates, but you are unaware of your potential as a human.  The mind, like almost everything in the world, can be controlled!  It takes practice, it takes work, but if not worked on, it will always take you on a wild trip!

The work that I speak of, fortunate or unfortunate, depending on your temperament, is a battlefield.  And that battlefield, while all in the mind, is the most dangerous battlefield of them all.  Let us walk through the battlefield together and see what we will be facing. 

So, do you go left, away from it?  Or do you go right, moving towards it?  For the sake of taking action, we’ll go right, towards it.

The Landmines

What if this happens?  What if that happens?  I call these “what ifs” landmines.

The well-known truth about a minefield is that you never know it’s there until it is too late.  And once you are in it, you are in it until you are out of it.

After you realize you’re in it, the next step, is learning how to navigate it.  This is where you turn the “what ifs” into “let’s try this”.  Nothing is 100% certain on the first go so you must get used to testing and experimenting options to help you advance.

Once you become used to the thought of, “doesn’t matter where I place my right foot or my left foot, something can go wrong or nothing may go wrong”, then you become more at ease of the what ifs.

So take that step that has you wondering about the outcome of taking the step.  Minefields are a real thing in life, and pose a real danger, but there are plenty of people that have survived them, and so can you.

Build The Barriers

Let me tell you this, you can’t outrun it and you can’t hide from it.  Anxiety is everywhere and anywhere you plan to do something new. 

Curling up into a ball won’t help, anxiety has no mercy.   Sitting in your room doesn’t change anything, it actually makes it worst because you have now isolated yourself to be alone with your thoughts and your worry.

In order to help lower your anxiety levels, until you can completely control it, you must establish boundaries.  Boundaries are the marks that serve as the limit of an area, that diving line between being safe and cautious.  The boundaries that you set are to prevent ease of access to your mind.

Barriers are great, but they are not the remedy that most hope for.  So, what do you do when the obstacles you created do not do their job?  When your barriers have failed, what’s the next course of action?

Grab’em If You Have’em…It’s Going To Be A Fight

If it’s gotten to the point in battle that the barriers you have put into place have been penetrated, then it’s time to get physical with the problem.  It’s time to square up and throw those hands.  In other words, it’s time to fight! 

Like I said, it’s going to be a fight, but who said it has to be a fair one?!  Remember, the only rules that exist in battle are the ones you create, the ones that are self-imposed.  If you are a person that likes to keep it “fair”, then by all means, do so.  If you are the type that want to ensure you survive, at any cost, then fair is not an option. 

So, since you may not have mastered how to control anxiety, I highly advise you to grab some brass knuckles for extra support.  Give yourself a better chance to survive the challenge, until you have become used to the battlefield.

When your defenses are penetrated and you’re staring that thing in its eyes, you better be ready to go all in and fight it out!  That’s the only course of action left.  Your will power versus that thing’s will power.  Your staying power, the ability to withstand anything and keep going.  Doesn’t matter if you’re broken or bruised, anxiety has to see that you’re not the one to play around with.

If you’re reading this, and do not suffer from anxiety, do the world a favor and help someone with theirs.  Whether it’s your fight or not, go and help someone with whatever is making them anxious.  Most times, someone just needs another person to take that first step with.  This is not “hand holding”, this is two people facing a problem together, which is different. 

It would be nice to think you can take on a world champion by yourself, but unless you are trained and experienced, you may want to grab a buddy for a bit of help. So, go “slug it out”.  Throw those fists like your life depends on it, because it does.  If you tap out to anxiety every time, you will slowly, if ever, progress in life.

The Aftermath

Just because that instance is over does not mean it’s gone forever.  Anxiety is in all of us and it appears, in most people’s lives, on a daily basis.

The only true healing that can happen, after anxiety has left, is to calm the mind and consume the fact that you can handle it.  The aftermath is real, in any battle.  Being anxious is unpleasant, to say the least, and the fallout can be severe and significant.  So long as you remember this, you will be on the road to recovery a lot sooner in the healing process.  The main thing you need to remember is this…win some, lose some.

Small victories should be acknowledged, when you score them.  Just because you didn’t fully knockout the problem, doesn’t mean you did not accomplish something.  You may not have outright beat the problem, but you did find a way to overcome what once had you paralyzed.

Like most things in life, it’s a process.  Overcoming anxiety is a process.  Don’t rush it, work it.  Develop and exercise strategies to beat it.  Be the war-torn warrior that is built and shaped by the process, and emerges victorious in every single encounter.


Call To Action: Stop Overthinking and Procrastination

This is a post that I wrote back at the beginning of the lockdowns.

How Quarantine Can Build A Beast

Isolation…lock downs…curfews across the world, sounds like the best time to start overhauling the negative mindsets that we’ve developed during our lives thus far!  We’re confined to the walls of our homes for most of our day, if not all 24 hours of it, so what excuse do you have to remain inactive on your visions?

Here’s the call to action; whatever you have been thinking of starting, wishing to accomplish, waiting for the right time to put your plan into action…take your first step today! 

Before you start, do yourself a favor, stop using the “fact” that you’re strategizing as an excuse for your non-action.  Excuses for not moving on your dreams and goals no longer exist.  You should not let yourself off the hook by saying, “I don’t have time”.  Free time is what you have a lot of, in these current times.  Even if you are teleworking from home, you cannot tell me you are doing it for 24 hours a day.  Even your commute time to and from work is gone.

With all of that being said, let’s get to it!

Let’s Work

Write your goals down, write down your wildest thoughts as well.  Nothing is should be viewed as crazy or stupid because everything leads to something else, even when you cannot see it.

After you have everything written down, you can now narrow your focus.  Prioritize them all and then start to think of what it might take from you, and what it may take from others, to get the ball rolling in the direction of execution.

Chose the one, or ones, you would like to accomplish first; not because they are the easiest but because you want them the most.  Afterwards, begin brainstorming ideas and researching what it may take to see your dreams and goals come to fruition.  Once found, break up the known steps into bite size, manageable pieces.

Clear space on a wall, start taping up your ideas and associated details, and then take the next step.

Who’s Your Hero?

Be your hero in the future, by killing procrastination and over-analyzing today!  You owe you to be better.  You owe your future self the chance to be happy.  Make a declaration to yourself to come out of this epidemic better, stronger, and wiser than you did before entering it.

The Delusional Mindset

“Where is he…I told him to make corrections and he didn’t”, is what I was asked and told today.

Once again, let me add some context to this “What Do You Think” interaction post.  The person that was being spoken about is notorious for their timeliness issues.

As a coach, you have to be careful about letting people know what the professional you would do and what the personal you would do.  I asked the professional question, which was, “what are you going to do?”.

At a certain point, you have to stop lying to yourself or living in what I like to call a delusional mindset.  If a person has not being doing what they were supposed to do for weeks or months, then it may not happen ever, which means it’s time for you to take action.

Get your head out of the sand and keep it out!  Ignoring the issue does not make it go away, it allows it to stick around and become cancerous!

The people that are around you can tell, to a certain extent, that everything is not “all good”.  If the energy becomes displaced, meaning you begin taking out your frustrations on people that have nothing to do with the situation, those people will begin distancing themselves.  Not many people can take a hit like this either, be it personal or professional.

Do not allow someone to throw the balance of your life out of whack.  Approach the problem and solve it accordingly.

All cancer has to be taken out!  If you are not willing to address and treat it until it retreats, then cut it out, toss it, and then move on…those around you will greatly appreciate it!


I Don’t Want To Point The Finger

“I don’t want to point the finger, but it may be that “person’s” fault”

The lack of ownership can be seen a few ways but is honestly only one thing…a way to lose support or followers. 

No one likes to help a person that blames others for their faults.  I am not aware of anyone that continues to support a habitual finger pointing blamer.

What type of personality do you think this come from?

The person that finds every excuse to dodge the blame but finds 5 ways to place the blame on someone else.  Some people are so confused on the blame game…you only need one reason to blame someone, not five!

I once timed a conversation, just to see if the blamer would give up and realize, and admit, that it was their fault.  That one encounter took 17 minutes for the person to give up and stop lying to themselves and to me.  Sad right?!

Another thing that a finger pointer never seems to realize is that for every excuse they present as someone else’s fault is an actual problem that needs to be fixed. 

How many of you know people that identify problems, when it comes to blaming someone else, but never try to fix the problems they have chosen to highlight?

To wrap this up, I could keep going, don’t point the finger at someone else when you are the one at fault.  Take your lumps, correct the issue, and then move on.  We would all prefer that person to grow from it, but if they chose not to grow, at least fix the problem.


Because You’re Not!

“How do you have the energy to do that, after a long day?”.  “Why are you doing that, when you should be resting?”.

My answer, “because you’re not” or “because you won’t”.

The question is valid, especially when you are wanting to call it a day and sit down like most people do.

Let me be clear, I wake up roughly at 4am, every single morning.  I go to sleep between 10-11pm every night, no naps during the day.  If I catch a nap, it’s between 10-30 minutes, 45 minutes max!  That being said, I do get tired, but I don’t have time to give it attention, most times.

The answer of, “because you’re not” is a very simple because a) it’s true to the situation and b) it’s the simple way to say a lot with very little words to get the other person to see the difference between you and them.

I was once told that “discipline is boring”.  I say this to that statement, you’re correct, discipline is boring!  But, I’ll admit, having discipline certainly allows me to get things done and allows me more freedom and control.  When an opportunity comes up and I’m extremely tired, I know that I have what it takes to get started, to at least keep the door open on the opportunity. 

You can only “pick” so many locks to the doors of opportunity.  You either have to adjust your mindset to push yourself through the door, or learn to create the door yourself.  Creating that door can be a lengthier process, but I’m here to tell you, it is possible, and I speak from personal experience on that one.

Sometimes you have to say, “because you’re not”.  It’s not about you being better than the next person, or the other person, it’s about you being better than your past results.

Now a days, it’s easy to give up and it’s more so accepted with open arms because no one likes to say to the quitter that they’re making a mistake.  So, I’ll say it, you’re making a mistake.

I’m not saying you should be dependable to everyone in the world, what I am saying is, you should always be willing to draw that definitive line in the sand that says, “I’m not like you, be cautious and carefully consider before crossing”.

Once again, let me be clear, it’s not about bragging, it’s not about boasting, it’s about you willing to give the last bit of energy to get something done.  Running on fumes is real and everyone says they understand but there’s a difference between understanding and knowing.  There’s a difference between I heard and experience…the two are not the same, and neither is the quitter and the finisher.

Be a pusher, not a quitter.  Be the person that says, “I gave it everything I had.  I may not have been completely successful but at least I didn’t quit.”  Be the person that was “broken” versus the one that gave up and laid on the sidelines with energy to spare.

Remember this, when someone asks you the question, reply with because you’re not!



“with every line written, and all that I’ve given, music has been nothing more than a self-made prison” -Pusha T

Sometimes, doing what you’re passionate about can make you feel like a caged animal.

When you put your all into your craft, and the respect you think and feel like you deserve is not received, you can become disgruntled and deflated…but only if you allow your satisfaction to be from external and not the internal, meaning yourself.

One of the definitions for freedom is; the exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.  Let’s take a moment on this one.  These are all seemingly from the outside but the end result for each of these are decided by our internal selection process.

External control, to me, is allowing someone or something to decide how, where, when, and why you will or will not take action.  How many of you that are reading this are allowing an external control dictate your movements and mind state? 

I use to allow it to happen to me; letting people to “put bugs” in my ear that caused me to stop my progression to make it easier for them to proceed.  Taking their “pearls of wisdom” that was really dressed up trash in disguise. 

I allowed this action to happen, on and off, for about 2 years.  During that time, I also made a realization about hope and how it can really cause more harm than good.  Throughout those years, I placed myself, and my mind, in bondage.  It was hard to see things getting better, I was waiting and hoping that my time would come, and it never did.

Another part of the definition is; the power to determine action without restraint.  This is something that we all need to pick up, somewhere along our journey. 

If you want to achieve freedom of the mind, you must stop restraining your thoughts, limiting belief in yourself, and placing a regulator on your actions!  Freedom is always, and will forever be, a choice made by the person and nothing else in the world.

Being your authentic self brings freedom.  Not caring or allowing someone else’s judgement or negative talk deter you from being your true self. 

As long as you are giving them the truth…your freedom will never be at risk.


Stacking W’s

Settling is easy when you finally score a win.  It’s easy to call it a day when you have finally achieved something.  But let me ask you this, why stop when you can run up the score on the wins?

The reason a lot of people stop in place is because they want to live in that moment.  If it’s the first time you’ve ever experienced that feeling of winning, it can be consuming.  The people around you celebrate with you, for you, for as long as you allow it or as long as they want to carry the feeling on.  There’s nothing wrong with celebrating but there is a difference between carrying it on and carrying it forward.

Carrying it on is everyone being stuck in that moment, typically by choice.  It’s like winning a championship 3 years ago and still celebrating in the present as if it just happened.  Reliving glory days is something we all do but you must not sacrifice the things you can accomplish tomorrow because you refuse to let go of today.  You must carry it forward.

Carry that momentum forward.  Want to establish consistency with your wins.  Improvement is a part of the game, the game of progress. 

Consistency goes hand in hand with improvement and both help move you towards growth of self, skills, knowledge, whatever you need to further your development and accomplishments.

So you may ask, why are consistent wins important?  Why should I obtain a record of achievements and accomplishments? 

My answer to that would be this, history remembers people that achieved massive success.  There is always someone watching to see what you can do and there’s someone in the future that will achieve their goals by following what you have done, also known as an example.

Don’t stop, don’t you dare press the breaks after you have won at something!  Run up the score on the boards and run up the number of W’s in the books! 

Every time you step into the arena, think about your record and the legacy you create. 

Your consistency will create your longevity, in the present. 

Your record will create your legacy, in the future.

Don’t settle for good when greatness is clearly visible on your horizon.


Conflict Avoidance

“Has anyone spoken to them yet?”, I asked.  Crickets and eye-shifts go around the room.

What is it with conflict that makes people find an alternate route to either solve the problem or to bury it?

I was in a meeting with a team and there was a lot of, “this has been a problem for 2-3 weeks” and “I noticed that last week” and these witnessed negative behaviors went un-approached and unquestioned.  Let me add some context to this…it was an area that involved finances.

How many of you would allow your money person, or accountant, mishandle and abuse your account?

At the end of this team meeting, the question was asked, “who’s going to speak with them (the accountant)?”, once again, crickets.  I said, “you know what, I’ll speak with them”, even though it was not my direct problem to deal with.

I sit the member down, with the person they replaced, and within 7 minutes, I got to the bottom of the problem…the person did not want to be an funds handler, or monitor, and did not want anything to do with training personnel with money.  A 3 week problem remedied in 7 minutes!

I say all of that to say this…attack the problem head on.  Not everything or situation will be easily or quickly solved like this one was, but, letting things linger can be more costly (no pun intended) in the end that nipping it in the bud in the early stages.